Army Community, Army Spouse and Family Resources - Army Times

Six easy ways to make friends

Editor's note: This is the third of a three-part series on beating the blues when your spouse is deployed.

Deployments are not the time to try to go it alone. When your spouse is away, it helps to have friends who can offer support — and it's particularly helpful to connect with others who are going through what you are going through.

So how do you connect with others and get the support you need?

Here are a few ideas that might work for you:

1. Find a support group. From unit-affiliated family support groups and church-sponsored spouse groups to scrapbooking or book clubs, there are plenty of options to find others who share your interests. A word of warning, though: When you settle into a group, choose the positive people to hang out with. If you are empathetic and hang around negative people, you could slide into negativity, too.

2. Join a community play group. If you have young children, play groups are ideal for meeting other parents. While you're there, you might find a few parents who would be willing to help start a baby-sitting co-op. You can take turns caring for each other's children to give you time to run errands without the kids or just to have time to yourself.

Check with your local Family Service Center or call Military OneSource (www.militaryone source.com) to find an organized parents' group in your area. The group Mothers of Preschoolers (www.mops.org) is a great place to meet other moms.

Erin Cecil, a Navy spouse and mother of two, wrote us to alert readers to child care resources for military families who may not be able to use on-base programs. Operation Military Child Care and Military Child Care in Your Neighborhood help eligible military families find and pay for licensed child care. For more information, call (800) 424-2246 or check out www .naccrra.org/military/assistance .php on the Web.

3. Find an exercise buddy. If you don't have a friend to work out with, finding one can be as simple as striking up a conversation with someone at the gym or another runner in your neighborhood. Kathie's morning runs with another Army spouse not only helped reduce her anxiety (exercise really does reduce stress), the daily conversation also was like running therapy.

If you have small children, do what Holly and her friend Cheryl did. They took their four children to the local high school track. They put the children in the middle of the fenced-in field with toys, a wagon, a pop-up tent and a potty chair.

They told the children to play in the middle of the field while the moms exercised for a half-hour. This can be tougher than it sounds, so be patient. Parents know well that it's hard to persuade a toddler to stay put when mommy is walking away from him.

"I loved those times I had with Cheryl," Holly recalled. "We talked about our dreams. We held each other accountable. Everyone won in this scenario because Cheryl and I felt better about getting some time to talk with a friend and time to exercise our bodies. We felt better about life."

4. Take a class. Maybe you've always wanted to learn more about computers, knitting, belly dancing — you fill in the blank. By taking a class, you'll meet others who share your interests. Your local Family Service Center offers many free classes, from learning about finances to learning the basics of the military lifestyle. And many times, classes offered through Family Service Centers come with free child care.

5. Volunteer. According to Richard O'Connor, a psychologist and author of the book "Undoing Depression," you can pull yourself out of depression by connecting with others or by doing good deeds for others. By volunteering, you do both. Remember to ask your Family Service Center's volunteer coordinator about free child care opportunities for on-base volunteers.

6. Start your own support group. If you can't find a group that's right for you, start your own. For ideas on this, check out our article on "Dare to Dream" teams at www.military spousehelp.com/articles.html.

Whichever path you choose, the important thing is to get out of the house, get moving and get connected with others. We all win when we help each other through this challenging and often difficult lifestyle.

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Kathie Hightower and Holly Scherer are military spouses who have written articles and presented workshops based on their research and experience for more than 10 years. They are authors of "Help! I'm a Military Spouse — I Want a Life Too!" Send your questions and suggestions to marriedtomilitary@atpco.com.