Troops’ kin protest personal effects policy - Army News | News from Afghanistan & Iraq - Army Times

Troops’ kin protest personal effects policy

Elaine Farren was given the American flag draped over her Marine son’s coffin.

She was handed his Purple Heart. And as Lance Cpl. Roger Hager’s primary beneficiary, she’s getting his life insurance payout, too, worth about $400,000.

But Farren did not receive what she wanted most: her son’s personal effects.

Hager, a small arms repairman assigned to 2nd Reconnaissance Battalion out of Camp Lejeune, N.C., was killed July 8 along with Master Sgt. John Hayes in a roadside bomb blast in southern Afghanistan. He did not have a will — and he did not identify Farren as his primary next of kin before he deployed in April — so the Defense Department sent the 20-year-old’s clothing and other belongings to his father, from whom his mother has been estranged for years.

Under Pentagon policy, personal effects go to the oldest parent if the deceased service member has no spouse or children. In Hager’s case, that’s his dad.

Farren was outraged — but not alone. She joins other parents whose anguish over the loss of their loved ones has been exacerbated by a policy they deem cruel and unfair.

“It destroyed me,” said Farren, of Gibsonville, N.C.

Hager’s things in the possession of his father, Darrell Graves, include a TV, an Xbox, a laptop, letters penned by his mother and sister, and necklaces he bought for them during a layover on his way to Afghanistan. Before he deployed, Hager was told he had to list both parents’ names on his Record of Emergency Data, Farren said.

Farren, who never married Graves, now uses the last name of her current husband. When Hager was born, Graves’ name was not included on his birth certificate, Farren said.

Graves attended Hager’s funeral, but the last time he saw his son was about six years ago, Farren said. Efforts to contact him were unsuccessful.

Farren was appointed the administrator of her son’s estate in August and has begun legal proceedings. She said she is determined to get his dress blue uniform, one set of cammies, his wallet and the private letters she and Hager’s siblings sent him.

She has hired an attorney, who sent a letter to Hager’s father saying he was temporarily given Hager’s things and that “now North Carolina civil law controls their disposition.”

Variations of this Defense Department’s policy have been in place since at least 1991, said Army Lt. Col. Les’ Melnyk, a Pentagon spokesman. Congress has not specified who should receive personal effects when a service member dies, so military officials decided to make age the determining factor, Melnyk said.

Family disputes, he said, are nothing new. Still, there are no plans to re-evaluate the policy.