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Caffeine, I wish I could quit you

Feel like you’ve got an anxious monkey clinging to your back? Does he howl in the morning until he has his coffee, screaming in your ear through the afternoon, banging the mug until it’s filled again ... and again?

We know the beast: Its name is caffeine.

For some, the addiction is just an unlucky draw from the DNA deck; for others, it’s a good thing gone bad from a hundred-too-many one-more refills.

And it’s possible your problem may not even be the caffeine itself.

Caffeine is converted by the body into three other drugs, says Dr. Jonathan Shay, author and staff psychiatrist at the Boston VA outpatient clinic. Like caffeine, these drugs also contribute to feelings of increased energy and optimism. But they can also leave others anxious and depressed.

“There are literally millions of people who feel good after the caffeine itself but have bad reactions to [the other drugs] and just think it’s their life that’s out of whack, not their brain chemistry,” Shay wrote. The imbalance can exacerbate post-traumatic stress disorder, he says.

There’s no way to know, he says, unless you take yourself off all forms of caffeine for a few weeks and find out.

Whatever the reason for your addiction, getting that monkey off your back can be hard, but it’s not impossible. Indeed, say experts, it not nearly as bad breaking from alcohol or nicotine addictions.

To quit, you’ve basically got two options, says Bill Aaronson with the Caffeine Awareness Association.

“You can taper off or go cold turkey,” he says. “There is no easy way — it’s an addiction that has to be dealt with. I think the quickest way is the best way. The withdrawal symptoms will only last two or three days.”

If that sounds like a bridge too short, Shay agrees. The cold turkey approach can turn withdrawal symptoms, especially the headaches, from bad to worse.

He recommends tapering off over a week or so.

One way to map it out: Count the number of cups of coffee that you drink every day — or whatever your delivery method is — and take that many days to get dry.

And remember, you’ll still be working in a highly caffeinated world. Find people who will be supportive and look for healthy alternatives to replace the familiar mug every day. As George Carlin once said: “Just ‘cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.”