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Kevlar for the Mind: As Hood tragedy fades in media, our time for healing begins

On Nov. 5, the nation mourned when 13 innocent men and women were killed at Fort Hood, Texas.

As a tolerant nation, we tried to temper our views and thoughts about the incomprehensible event. As humans, we tried to control our anxiety, anger, sadness and fear by attempting to make sense of this horrific and unthinkable act.

No doubt, the media tried to assist us with this process. We were inundated with premature theories of harassment, mental illness, religious fanaticism and fear of deployment. I was even quoted in a prominent newspaper whose story implied this man’s actions may have been due to the stress of listening to the stories of service members returning home from war — a far stretch of the imagination, to say the least.

As the families have laid their loved ones to rest, now is the time that we lay our speculation to rest. Now is the time that we heal, honor and remember those 13 men and women.

Allow yourself to grieve the loss. Acknowledge what you’re feeling. For some of you, anger is the primary emotion. For others, sadness and disbelief are the strongest.

After you have acknowledged how you feel, allow yourself some time to recover. I realize that the “suck it up and drive on” mentality is alive and well in the military. I’ll be the first to say that it helps service members get through difficult times. However, in situations like this, it’s important to face your feelings and talk about it with friends, families or someone you trust in your chain of command.

The last step is to honor and remember the fallen in your own way. For those who have lost fellow service members in battle, you know what I mean. I’ve seen service members do everything from carrying a picture of the person with them to setting up a scholarship fund for a child of a service member who was killed. What you do is not as important as the emotions and meaning behind it.

To any family or friends of the fallen, I would like to join the millions around the world in expressing my heartfelt sadness for your loss. You can rest assured that not one of the individuals below will ever be forgotten.

Bret A. Moore is a board-certified clinical psychologist who served two tours in Iraq. E-mail kevlarforthemind@militarytimes.com. Names and identifying details will be kept confidential. This column is for informational purposes only and is not intended to convey specific psychological or medical guidance. Readers should see a mental health professional or physician for mental health problems.