The oft-romanticized, adrenaline-fueled life of a street racer isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be.
That was the stark realization encountered by a gaggle of racing enthusiasts — one that reportedly included 10 Fort Stewart soldiers — who allegedly shut down an entire roadway in the small town of Gum Branch, Georgia, Saturday night to indulge an insatiable need for speed, according to WSAV3.
Detectives were notified of the suspicious activity at around 7:30 p.m., the report said, and police subsequently arrived to cordon off the road on each side, stonewalling potential escape routes.
Each driver was reportedly taken into custody, though the faint, throaty bellow of a fast-driving Ja Rule could be heard shouting, “Monica!” into the distant night.
Several bystanders who watched the race were questioned by authorities as salivating tow truck drivers swarmed the scene to enjoy a smorgasbord of vehicles requiring removal.
Those in custody face misdemeanor charges of drag racing, WSAV3 reported.
The Army has yet to release an official statement, but a Fort Stewart spokesperson confirmed officials are tracking local reports and the incident is being investigated.
However the punishments shake out, perhaps a soldier-led street racing syndicate is exactly what the “Fast and Furious” franchise needs, creative material-wise, to churn out another 50 films.
The series shows no signs of wrapping up; it’s only a matter of time before “Fast and Furious 72: Retirement Home,” hits theaters.
The year is 2051.
The camera pans to a motorized cart-confined Vin Diesel, slouched in a dimly lit corner as the Bingo caller’s voice rings hollow throughout the cold, disinterested chambers of the seniors’ assisted living home.
“B-13. B. Thirteen.”
Diesel revs the handle of his motorized cart and mumbles.
“I live my life one uncontrollable bathroom break at a time."