While no one quite knows how the U.S. Marine Corps became synonymous with enjoying a rainbow menagerie of waxy children’s drawing instruments, the stereotype that devil dogs eat crayons is here to stay.
Though many a veteran entrepreneur has capitalized on this trope in the form of edible variants, one company took these tasty treats boldly where no one has before: the brewery.
A few years back, New Jersey’s Icarus Brewing put out a North East Imperial India Pale Ale called “Drinking Crayons.”
The label is written in childlike caps and dripping with melting red crayons — arguably a Marine’s favorite flavor. And it clocks in at an impressive 7.9% ABV, which certainly guarantees a night of barracks mayhem.
A 12-pack of the more low key “Shrinking Crayons” is a 4.8% beer that retails for $25. Alas, neither are sold nationwide. Retail locations are limited to the coastal areas of New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and a few outliers in New York — but perhaps it’s worth a trek for a few good brews.
“Brewed with Domestic 2 Row, Scottish Golden Promise, Wheat Malt, Oats and Dextrin Malt. Hopped with Columbus, El Dorado, Amarillo and copiously dry hopped with Lupulin Mosaic, Lupulin Azacca, Lupulin Amarillo and Columbus. Bursting with juicy tangerine, overripe mango and sweet melon notes before landing on a lightly dank finish,” reads its official description.
One reviewer on Tavour wrote, “Not as waxy as I’d expected, considering it’s drinking crayons.”
Though the company doesn’t appear to have distinct ties to the U.S. military, some of its other brews seem tailor-made for consumption by salty veterans who have sported the eagle, globe and anchor. There’s “Liquid Swords,” “Life Unraveled,” and “Dare to be Stupid,” just to name a few.
Taste the rainbow.
Sarah Sicard is a Senior Editor with Military Times. She previously served as the Digitial Editor of Military Times and the Army Times Editor. Other work can be found at National Defense Magazine, Task & Purpose, and Defense News.